Living, Breathing Hatred

Why are we always happy and full of life when there is no life left in us?
We pretend to be content with this abitrary joke that's been handed out to us
Why do we mope when we know nothing will change?
For self-pity, regret, even a hint of shame?
No, self-loathing's the one that's got us all bemused.
I know how stupid this may seem but it infact is true;
I ache every day, and I ache because of you
You are my underlying reason but the peripherals always change
Today I'm sad because of the weather, tomorrow cos I'm ashamed
To hold my head up high and be the one I want to be
Not a fraud that hides in dark corners, I want to be someone pure
Whether it can happen or not the hate won't go away
It creeps into my bedroom and forces me to let it stay
Slowly ties me to my lonesome chair
Laughs at my pain, flashes me a cold blank stare
Because the pain is not real, it's all in my head
It made me feel like my insides were dead
Hate crawled on top of me and then took off my clothes
After my efforts of screaming he tied a scarf around my mouth so no one would know
Oh how I was betrayed by my own self esteem
And the image of myself in the mirror, back at me it gleamed
I turned my head but of course; I could never escape me
However hard I tried, however fast I ran, I was always there
So I asked Hate to do me a favour, however bizarre that may seem
I asked him to slit my throat but he fell down to his knees
Said "please stay with me, I promise I can change"
But it was too late and in my hands I took the blade
Drew it across my throat and watched the blood pour down like rain
It all goes to show you that Hate can also feel shame